When is there progress?

Am I ever going to be better?

I feel like I'm not going to...  every day is a struggle in some way.  It's a struggle to get up in the morning.  It's a struggle to get myself into the shower.  It's a struggle to get dressed or put on make up.  It's a struggle to eat right or do anything outside of the house.  It's a struggle to just deal with the people in my house when all I really feel like doing is to curl up in bed and sleep or maybe read a book.

I've been breaking my doctors appointments lately too.  I know I need to go.  I know that I really have to see the doctor before I am on this new medication for too long to make sure she's happy with my progress.  It's getting there that is the problem.  At first it was just because I was scared to drive - this new medication is really affecting my concentration.  I can't focus and I've caught myself doing some pretty stupid shit behind the wheel.  I like to think I'm responsible enough not to put myself and everyone else on the road in danger by driving, especially on the motorway, so I try to only drive when I have to.  It's about an hour to my doctors office so that's a bit much... or maybe it's just an excuse not to do something.  I don't even know anymore.

A Place to Get Help

Below is a new site developed by the Australian government to assist those struggling with mental health.  It provides support for individuals, carers and health professionals.  I've found some really useful tools and links on this site.  You should check it out.

https://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/

Starting all over again

It's been a while since my last post.  Really, a lot has happened in my unexciting life.  

I had been thinking that my depression was getting better, but it turns out I was wrong.  I did feel better, but after many discussions with my therapist and my doctor, it seems like I believed I was getting better because I wanted to be getting better.  I wanted to be able to tell my husband and those around me that I was making progress, so I believed that I was.

Nothing wrong with that, you might think.  So did I, until I could feel myself slipping backwards.  I began by feeling a bit flat.  Kind of, well, blah, really.  Then I started feeling sad a lot of the time, for no real reason.  I noticed that I couldn't feel happy, even when something good happened.  I didn't feel excitement.  I didn't laugh.  I brought this up with my doctor and she suggested that we change the medication I was on to a different type.  

I've detoxed from the first medication and now I've started the second.  I haven't had any strong side effects other than being much more awake than before and having developed a ravenous appetite of an evening.  Hopefully this makes an actual difference in the way I feel and perceive my life.  For the moment, I'm starting the entire treatment system over again.  At least I've got a few methods to help me deal with my day to day life.

I haven't told my parents yet.  Or most of my family.  Really I've only got my husband and my best friend to talk to about this.  I would like to tell my parents and my in-laws, but it's finding the right moment and just beginning the conversation.  I don't mind talking about it - I don't feel ashamed that I've got this disease - I just don't want to make them feel uncomfortable I guess.

Why is it that I can discuss my problems and issues with those I barely know, but I keep the people I love the most completely in the dark?